It has to be very difficult to have to deal with a loved once finances and estate after they have passed. I know it would be the last thing I want to think about. Everything would be a reminder when going through their things and accounts. I also would not want to find anything that would change my perception of they way they were and they way I remembered them. I think it was a beautiful thing for them to do when they donated the authors mothers furniture.
I really see the importance of advanced directives and wills through the authors story. Like he said, some wills (or lack of) have ripped families apart. It is obviously very important to have a will so that everyone will clearly know your intentions and wishes. It seems that a will may sometimes hurt feelings as well but it is better that there is no ambiguity about what the testate wants.
It is kind of hard for me to read this manuscript because inevitably, I think about my parents and what will happen with them one day. Every time I read I get sad, I will definitely have trouble detaching myself emotionally from my parents if I have to take care of them one day. I have the greatest respect for those who take in their parents because it is so easy to just push them off on a nursing home or onto another sibling. It is apparent through the authors storys that it is very tough, financially, and emotionally but personally, I know that I absolutely owe it to my parents.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Chapter 3
It was interesting to read the recommendation which stated that one should emotionally distance oneself from the suffering. I think that would be very tough to do when dealing with your own parent. It seems very wise nonetheless because how could anyone offer help to their parent when they are emotionally distraught? I never thought of the emotional part that goes along with raising a parent. It was definitely interesting to see his perspective.
When he talks about having patience I viewed this as an understatement. I cannot imagine the amount of patience one would have to have when raising a parent but I think it would be along the same lines as having a child. I never thought about how you would need patience with your family as well because it is sure to affect them as well. You have to think of how it will affect your spouse and your children as well as your job and possibly your lifestyle. Finances will undoubtly change if you take your parents in. Like he says, other may be involved and it must be taken into consideration.
When he talks about his mother going from independent and hard working to having to ultimately move in with him it made me sad again. I never thought of all of the transitions people have to go to as they age but it seems like a steady struggle as one ages. This makes me want to make sure I take care of my parents even more so.
When he talks about having patience I viewed this as an understatement. I cannot imagine the amount of patience one would have to have when raising a parent but I think it would be along the same lines as having a child. I never thought about how you would need patience with your family as well because it is sure to affect them as well. You have to think of how it will affect your spouse and your children as well as your job and possibly your lifestyle. Finances will undoubtly change if you take your parents in. Like he says, other may be involved and it must be taken into consideration.
When he talks about his mother going from independent and hard working to having to ultimately move in with him it made me sad again. I never thought of all of the transitions people have to go to as they age but it seems like a steady struggle as one ages. This makes me want to make sure I take care of my parents even more so.
Chapter 2:Dealing with an angry parent
I was very interested to hear what kind of advice the author was going to give because I have seen first hand the difficulty of dealing with an angry or depressed elderly individual. In the first reccomendation, the author says to respond to anger with empathy rather than questions and answers. I think this is very smart not only when dealing with the elderly but for other people as well. At the end of the day people just want to be understood and want people to know where they are coming from. Even if one cannot pretend to know what someone is going through, it helps to show a little empathy.
The next recommedation had to do with listening. I have seen before when an elderly is complaining or trying to express discomfort to their child/caretaker and they are dismissed because their child/caretaker doesn't think they know what they are talking about or just thinks they are over exaggerating or even trying to get attention. This breaks my heart because no one will even listen to them. I think even if you disagree with what they are saying, if it is not hurting anyone, just humor them. It must be hurtful to be so easily dismissed.
Reading all the things his mother was going through makes me sad and hopeful that my parents may be lucky enough to have a peaceful descent into elderhood. I cannot even imagine the anger and pain she was feeling, especiallly with losing her mobility. I don't think people ever really stop and think about it but in some cases it is like becoming handicapped or even helpless.
I am interested in the story the author tells but when I read some of his stories it makes me really sad. It also makes me want to enjoy my life and not take anything for granted because one day I won't be able to do everything I do now.
The next recommedation had to do with listening. I have seen before when an elderly is complaining or trying to express discomfort to their child/caretaker and they are dismissed because their child/caretaker doesn't think they know what they are talking about or just thinks they are over exaggerating or even trying to get attention. This breaks my heart because no one will even listen to them. I think even if you disagree with what they are saying, if it is not hurting anyone, just humor them. It must be hurtful to be so easily dismissed.
Reading all the things his mother was going through makes me sad and hopeful that my parents may be lucky enough to have a peaceful descent into elderhood. I cannot even imagine the anger and pain she was feeling, especiallly with losing her mobility. I don't think people ever really stop and think about it but in some cases it is like becoming handicapped or even helpless.
I am interested in the story the author tells but when I read some of his stories it makes me really sad. It also makes me want to enjoy my life and not take anything for granted because one day I won't be able to do everything I do now.
Chapter 1 Introduction
When reading about how the author talked about raising his parents at the very start of the chapter it got me thinking about my parents. The author says that raising a parent is "not something one readily or enthusiastically contemplate" To me this was surprising because ever since I was about 10 or 11 years old my Mother would always say to me and my sister, never put me in home when I'm old and senile. She herself worked in a nursing home at this time and would always say how sad it was that some of these people never get visits from their family and are lonely and depressed because they have no company. I, having visited her at work many many times felt the same way she did after seeing some of these elderly.
Ever since then, I have contemplated it and I would readily accept the responsibility just as my parents did when they had me. Personally, I would never put my parents into a nursing home. I realize that home care is very expensive but I would do whatever it would take so that I could take care of them. I think my mindset is this way because my Mother is from the Phillipines and nursing homes are a rarity there. The family takes care of the elderly without complain and would never think about sending them away.
It is funny to read about how much the author disliked going to Hebrew school but later jokingly thanks his Mother when he is able to find a hotel in Isreal because of the skills he learned in Hebrew school. I feel that I have been in that same situation so many times where I (in my head of course) thank my Mother and Father for all of the things they made me do that I did not want to do. As I get older, my appreciation for them only grows and I look back on experiences and think, "Oh, so that's why they made me do that".
Ever since then, I have contemplated it and I would readily accept the responsibility just as my parents did when they had me. Personally, I would never put my parents into a nursing home. I realize that home care is very expensive but I would do whatever it would take so that I could take care of them. I think my mindset is this way because my Mother is from the Phillipines and nursing homes are a rarity there. The family takes care of the elderly without complain and would never think about sending them away.
It is funny to read about how much the author disliked going to Hebrew school but later jokingly thanks his Mother when he is able to find a hotel in Isreal because of the skills he learned in Hebrew school. I feel that I have been in that same situation so many times where I (in my head of course) thank my Mother and Father for all of the things they made me do that I did not want to do. As I get older, my appreciation for them only grows and I look back on experiences and think, "Oh, so that's why they made me do that".
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